When I commenced my self development work last year, I was expecting the typical two chairs, the counsellor and the counsellee [if there is a such a word. There is, I just checked.] I originally expected to be sitting that chair, opposite my chosen shrink, and doing all this yakking, while he interjected with a question every now and then. That can be a good way for the first timer, someone who is wary of the counselling process. But for someone like me, who has been involved in workshops, role plays and hands on group activities, I did need something more proactive, though I didn’t quite realise that at the time.
I had my expectations and preconceived notions of who I wanted my shrink to be, but as My Mountain Man said to me last year, “I was already placing obstacles in my path, before I even started the process.” At the time, I was resolute about who and what I wanted. I didn’t want to spend too much time searching or else I would lose the momentum [and desire]. I followed up a few adverts, and after some negotiating regarding money, I settle for my current counsellor, who proved an unexpected revelation.
I sought the services of a counsellor, rather then being referred by a doctor, and that put me at some risk of choosing a dud. But I need to be proactive, and find someone, rather than follow someone else’s recommendation. As I said previously, my choice proved to be a revelation. Unexpected as it was, proving there is some truth in the old adage, “Feel the Fear, But Do it Anyway!”
Specialising in Gestalt Therapy [which was the clincher for working with], my counsellor works from the premise that
a well-lived life is grounded in a person’s awareness of how they live their life and conduct their relationships, in the present, within their life space. From this perspective, Gestalt therapy seeks to promote a person’s awareness, support creative choice and encourage responsibility in a person’s effort to realise a meaningful and fulfilling life.
I had already established a belief system resulting from reading The Road Less Travelled, Zen Guitar, and Owning Your Own Shadow, and various readings from The Tibetan Book Of Living And Dying , and the works of Krishnamurti.
Zen Guitar proved influential. While it discusses the process that the creative person goes through to produce the painting, the music, or the story [though it really talks about the guitar], and that the artistic output is determined by various factors that converge, at any particular point in time, it was a metaphor for living. Who we are, and what we do, is determined by various factors that converge, at a particular point in time. It also means, that the person you are days, weeks, months, and years later, will potentially be different to the one you were days, weeks, months, and years before.
The essence of who we are, remains the same, but we do change as we live our lives, on journey which brings new experiences, knowledge and insights, of which our past, plays its part. This I believe.
An important aspect of my journey, is the Yin Yang, the polar opposites of the positive and the negative, of light and dark, as exemplified by the mandala, provided as food for thought by The Road Less Travelled, and the complicity of the shadow in playing havoc with our ability to live meaningful lives Owning Your Own Shadow.
This is why the counsellor I have chosen, and the methods he works with, fit in with my modus operandi: unifying the polar opposites of my nature, and negotiate my internal warring factions, towards some sort of agreeable coexistence.
As I said, I originally expected my sessions to be two chairs, the counsellor and the counsellee, engaged a convivial chat, interjected with a few questions. But my counsellor being proactive, illustrated the importance of play as part of the learning or healing process, during these sessions. By play, I mean using an activity as the starting point for the session’s dialogue. If you are familiar with the role plays and group exercises in workshops, then this is much the same thing, except that the focus is on you.
Consider the unselfconscious play of children, it becomes apparent that play is not just time wasting, but a learning and healing process. Play allows internal feelings, thoughts and memories to be externalised [so that you become the observer and the one in control], helping to talk to your demons so that you come to understand them, demystify the internal processes causing conflict, discover pleasure in the things and people that attract you; and finally, discovering yourself – who you are, and how you can become that person.
I’m standing in the backyard
Listening to the party Inside
Tonight I’m drinkin’ in the forgiveness
This life provides
The scars we carry remain but the pain slips away it seems
Oh won’t you baby be in my book of dreams [Book Of Dreams, Bruce Springsteen]
In the session I attended, on Thursday, 5 February, 2009, counsellor distributed a stack of cards on the floor. Each card bearing a particular symbol. The idea is to pick any card/ symbol that was either significant to you, or attracted your attention. I reversed the process. I eliminated all the cards that meant nothing to me. I worked rather quickly dismissing several meaningless symbols, like wedding rings, until I was left with just 22 cards.
You can see the 22 cards in the following photograph. During the course of the session, they revealed a remarkably cohesive story. Then again, many of the cards I discarded, contained symbols with similar meaning to the ones I chose. I happened to find these ones, more eloquent in what they expressed to [for] me. The story reflected my dreams, hopes and desires from my past, in the present, and for the future. Dreams, hopes and desires that have remained remarkably consistent.
22 Symbols
I don’t know how my friends, or other people, perceive me, but this session [these cards] illustrated how far removed from my intentions I am, and the direction in which I am travelling on [but not fast enough]. Unlike the Sandplay Therapy, in this session, I was able to touch on the subject of my deafness. Not in any great depth, but was acknowledged as an important part of my being Who I am.
As I did with the An Hour In The Sandpit With The Sins Of Mephisto PII, rather than write a detailed narrative, I will just list the cards and their symbols, and explain the meaning each holds for me, and where appropriate, how they relate.
- Clasped Hands:
Hands in supplication. An act of humility. Acknowledgement of a higher power. Acknowledgement of the real me, and not some projected fantasy of who I think I am. I know I don’t do humility terribly well, especially in public, but it’s there. - Musical Notes:
It’s not just about listening to music; but listening to the music inherent in life – the rhythm of life. The music of living life. The music in good relationships. Music is not just an audio experience. It is visual one too. Music is inherent in all the five senses, not just hearing. It’s not just about enjoyment, it’s also about being able to tune in to people, an idea, a feeling, and free wheeling flights of fancy. If my thought processes were a genre of music, they would be, blues, gospel, soul, pop and rock. Hard rock! - Yin-Yang:
There was no image of the mandala, so I co-opted the Yin Yang, to be the mandala. On the face of it, it is about polar opposites, or the duality life, and our natures. The mandala has an area where two circles intersect. This intersection represents the balance between the light and the dark forces. It is this I am striving for. To balance the different wants, needs, desires, and conflicts, that compete with the demands coming from family, friends and society. - Book:
Represents knowledge. More pertinently, it represents the source of everything I know. When I became Deaf, the one thing I trusted. The one thing I zeroed in on, was the printed word. Even though I love reading, the printed word meant far more than just the pleasure of reading. I trusted the information because I could SEE it. I never realised until my college years, 25 years ago, just how much my deafness impacted on my life. Books have been a constant companion on many a solitary and lonely night. Without realising that my deafness played a part in cutting me off from socialising, and interaction with people. - Wine Glass:
Good times, dinner parties, good friends. Intimate strangers. A drink that you hand to a stranger, is a gesture that you want to get to know them. - Theatre Masks:
The Happy Face vs The Sad Face. My first response to this image, was my affinity for playing games. The love of play. having fun, pulling good natured pranks, on family and friends. My counsellor asked if the sadness is present. I replied that I am drawn to the happy face, more, because it’s a sign of contentment. The sad face is the state of being that I am leaving behind. But also a reminder of where I once was. I still listen to sad songs, as an act of humility [yeah I know], to keep in touch with my past feelings. There is a pleasure in listening to sad songs. The best ones have a duality about them. Think of the blues, where the words are sad, but the music is lively, jovial, sexy and refusing to concede defeat. There is an exquisiteness when a sad feeling is juxtaposed with a happy or humourous moment. - Heart:
Simple. Love. Being surrounded love. The love of friends. The love of a family. The love of a lover. - Chair:
Like the cup and the glass, it indicates a place of welcome, room, for either you or the people you love. It also denotes a place to rest. - Question Mark:
My desire for knowledge. My questioning mind. Analysis. It’s my refusal to take things at face value. I always ask questions. Sometimes unsettling people. - Sign Posts:
I see the sign posts as a visual marker. It points me to where I want to go, but also presents me with a choice of options of alternative places to go. I am not bounded to follow the direction indicated, I can alter my course. - Road:
Freedom. It does not symbolise, the never ending search for a home, a place to rest, or the never ending search for answers. That is part of it. Its the desire for adventure, and to seek new faces, new places and new experiences. The never ending quest for knowledge. After I left high school, me and mate would often go out for drives, nowhere in a particular just drive. We would end up sitting on the steps of the old ABC building, in William Street, Kings Cross, Sydney, Australia. Watching the tranny’s ply their trade and cars drive by. Yes, there is the desire to escape. - Cup:
A gesture of hospitality. One that says, that you have a place at friend’s table. One that you extend in return. Intimate. - Glass:
A gesture of hospitality. The same as for cup. For me the cup and the glass are interchangeable. - Clock:
A visual marker of time, not meant to rule me. Like the sign posts, the clock is to tell me where I am now, how much more there is to do, what part of the day I am in. Admittedly I don’t need the clock itself to tell me whether it is morning, after noon, or evening. Just look out the window. The quality of the light will also tell you the time, what part of the day it is. I can tune into my body clock. - Lighthouse:
The light that lights your way in the darkness. It is also the eureka moment, when everything becomes clearer. - Moon:
The light that shines at night. A cooler light, to the sun’s burning warmth. The moon represents calmness. While it is the brightest object in the night sky, its light does not block out the stars. It provides a window into the universe. The quiet, the smile of the moon, the night sky, and twinkle of the stars, imparts a mystery, that excites me. Unlike the Sun, whose light is too bright to look at, which dominates the sky, blocking the lesser lights of the stars, pulls me into the present - Key:
The means to get/discover the answer. - Blank Card:
I can designate any meaning to this. Especially if the symbol is not present in the stack of cards provided. This one is my house. My space. My castle. Something I am yet to achieve. - Door:
The entry to the other side. The doorway to the unknown. Never locked. I can always come back, until I am ready to walk through to the other side. I have one foot in the known and one [tentative] in the unknown. - Window:
Where ever you are, you need a view. A prime viewing spot. Regardless where I am, or what I am doing, I like to keep my eye on what else is happening elsewhere. Anything can be a window for me. A Book, movie, song, or - Pen:
Creativity. Writing, which is something I have always enjoyed much more than performing. The act of creating [creation]. There is a power in creating. I get to create the world I want to see, and how it should be. Recording my stories. Communication my ideas. Which is why I blog. If anything, reading and writing allow me to access and express, unimpeded, ideas, knowledge, and myself. - Maze:
I’m not sure what the significance of this is for me. It could mean working my conflict or obstacles. I have thought about it since my last session, but it doesn’t resonate with me at all.
Now the ritual begins
’Neath the wedding garland we meet as strangers
The dance floor is alive with beauty
Mystery and danger
We dance out ’neath the stars’ ancient light into the darkening trees
Oh won’t you baby be in my book of dreams [Book Of Dreams, Bruce Springsteen]
However there was one image not present.
Quatro
Related Articles:
An Hour In The Sandpit With The Sins Of Mephisto PIII
An Hour In The Sandpit With The Sins Of Mephisto PII
An Hour In The Sandpit With The Sins Of Mephisto
Recommended Reading & Websites:
Sandplay Therapy [Supporting The Emergence Of Self]
Sandplay Therapy [Australian]
Sandplay Therapy [Google Books]
Sandplay Therapy: Inside Out Counselling Service
Zen Guitar [Book]
Zen Guitar [Website]
Owning Your Own Shadow [Book]
Owning Your Own Shadow [Website]
The Tibetan Book Of Living And Dying
The Tibetan Book Of Living And Dying [Website]
The Tibetan Book Of Living An Dying [Wikipedia]
Krishnamurti [Google Search Results]
